Cross-posted at Mind Grapes
Here are some pretty easy jokes to make about Sting: he has tantric sex. He does not make music that would be considered “cutting-edge.” He has a healthy amount of self-regard. His music appears, sometimes, in playlists of “easy listening” music, for example, in dentists’ offices. How hilarious these jokes are! How cutting of us, to insult Sting, and those people who listen to him! What better way to demonstrate our own, personal, hipness!
LOL. As part of my ongoing effort to be mellow as fuck and also ahead of the hipster reclamation curve, I now love Sting. Hating Sting is about as boring as hating Bono, anyway (really, hating anyone is played out at this point). Why bother? The dude is soft, like butter; and the thing is, no one is even claiming that he’s, what, on the cutting edge of music, or whatever. He writes these beautiful, crisp melodies, brines them in the most impeccable production you could imagine, and serves them up like fucking Christmas hams. Some of the songs have robotically good crypto-Spanish guitar; more still have that “fairy dust sprinkle” sound that I imagine is made by some ridiculous bell-based instrument where you string up a bunch of wind chimes and stroke them with a feather. All of them are about as MOR vanilla as charged. Only, fuck it, who cares? I’m probably railing against an imaginary enemy at this point, but—I can’t think of a better dude to listen to if you are rich as fuck and coming down off some designer-only-rich-people-have-heard-of-it drug, kicking it in your austere penthouse in Dubai or wherever, sweating your ass off in your Eames chair in the dark. Plus, face it, you know this guy is next on the rediscovery tip, so get in while the getting’s good, because all of Pitchfork’s Best New Music in 2010 is going to be “Sting-influenced.”
Here's some Sting 101 to help get you on your feet. I recommend stealing the lyrics from this one next time you hit on a chick at a bar.
And as a bonus, a song about racism (?).
3 comments:
lol! thank god some more closet sting fans have come out :p thought i was the only one for a minute.
both of these are certified classics, even if peeps are too afraid/embarassed to admit, ha. respect for posting em.
Still mystified by the "I like my toast done on one side" line in Englishman in New York. wtf?
Raw Patrick i believe that line is about the war of 1812... sting is a noted military historian
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